The results are in! The new name for fracking is…

Poll Result

In a recent parliamentary debate on the potential role of UK manufacturing in development of onshore oil and gas, Penistone and Stockbridge MP Angela Smith said that the name fracking was ‘unhelpful’.

We were so concerned by the sight of both Conservative and Labour MPs struggling with the quandary of how to sell fracking to a hostile public, that we thought that we would help them. So we called upon the frack free community to come to Angela’s aid and vote on a list of new, more ‘helpful’ names for fracking.

From a selection that included ‘Gas Charming’ and ‘Chemical Reiki’, the winner by a clear margin was ‘Shale Fondling’. A few other alternatives were suggested, but we are afraid that they cannot be repeated here.

We are sure that with this much fluffier, softer sounding name, opposition to fracking all around the country will melt away. We will cheer the drilling rigs as they thunder through our towns and villages and we will take our families to picnic in the fields surrounding well pads, to watch the flares illuminate the countryside at night.

Of course, the poll was intended to ridicule just how out of touch many of our MPs really are. The very thought that the public are so gullible, that all MPs need to do is to think up a clever ruse to ‘sell’ fracking to them is appalling.

MPs genuinely think that all that is needed is a vague nod towards ‘gold standard’ regulations, along with a few measly, short-term jobs and public fears about the environmental disasters that fracking may bring, as well as the over-ruling of local democracy will be waved away. There is only so much polishing that a turd can take!


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